Shame never creates change. Love creates change.
Self-care is an attitude toward ourselves that says I am responsible for myself and I’m grateful for my ability to take care of myself. I am responsible for leading my life. I am responsible for tending to my spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial well-being. I am responsible for identifying and meeting my needs. I am responsible for solving my problems and learning to live with those I cannot solve. I am responsible for my choices. I am responsible for what I give and receive.
. . . . .
I am also responsible for how much I enjoy life, for how much pleasure I find in daily activities. I am responsible for whom I chose to love and how I choose to express this love. I am responsible for what I do to others and for what I allow others to do to me. I am responsible for my wants and desires.
. . . . .
My decisions will also take into account my responsibilities to other people — my spouse, my children, my relatives, my friends. I will examine and decide exactly what these responsibilities are as I make my decisions. I will also consider the rights of those around me — their right to live their lives as they see fit. I do not have the right to impose on others’ rights to take care of themselves, and they have no right to impose on my rights.
Self-care is an attitude of mutual respect. It means learning to live our lives responsibly.
Taking care of ourselves is not as selfish as some people assume it is, but neither is it as selfless as many others believe.
I’m listening to Eckhart Tolle’s book, TRANSMUTING SUFFERING INTO PEACE. These are not direct quotes, but I want to give him credit for starting me on this line of thought:
Most of us live in the gap between “what I want” and “what is” — an unpleasant place to be – because we’re out of alignment with God/the Universe/Source – whatever you call it.
Only by being present can we see the conditioned patterns in our lives that become maladaptive – and then eventually learn how to avoid repeating them until they become a problem we need to resolve.
We’re always striving to achieve an imagined state of consciousness – something in the future . . . trying to find our SELVES there . . .trying to figure out “who I will be”.
Or we stay stuck in our past – in what we did or what was done to us. We don’t necessarily need to forget our personal history – remembering it can be healthy. It can help us remember the lessons we’ve learned so that we don’t repeat those maladaptive patterns.
But we must be careful to not allow ourselves to become identified by our past. Again, some of us use it as our sense of SELF. But that can only really come from the aliveness of this moment.