Monthly Archives: January 2015

Freedom from Self Imprisonment

I’ve come to understand that we are all seeking freedom.  Yet we are the ones who imprison ourselves by how we view and respond to the Universe.

Remember the old Mayberry show?  Otis, the drunk, would stumble into the sheriff’s office, into the jail cell and lock it behind himself.  The key was always hanging on the wall, just outside his cell.  He could reach it anytime he wanted, but he always waited until he sobered up.  Then all he had to do was reach outside the cell, grab the key, unlock the cell door and walk out.

What a metaphor for our daily lives!

Some of the ways we imprison ourselves include (but are not limited to):  limiting our beliefs about ourselves and what we can/cannot do, stories we make up in our heads about what others think of us, hanging on to resentments, refusing to hear others’ perspectives, thinking we know all there is to know about a situation or a topic, allowing negative thoughts to gain weight in our minds – about ourselves, our situation and others.  The list is endless.

Much of our imprisonment revolves around our need for perfection. Perfection is such a limiting word. It implies that if something is not perfect, it must be imperfect. Perfection is really just an opinion. My concept of what’s perfect might be totally different than what you see as perfect. In reality, perfection comes when we can allow things (and people) to be what they are. So perfection is a state of mind that keeps us imprisoned.

But, just like with Otis, THE KEY IS WITHIN REACH!

We think everything we want is outside where we are and unreachable.  But it’s already here, right within reach.  We just have to recognize how to “sober up” and do what we need to do to get there.

We stay inside our heads (our jail cell) with obsessions about how to please others so we can belong.  Or we beat ourselves up with rigid, shameful thoughts of things we should or shouldn’t have done.

Letting go of rules, “supposed to’s,” and ideas that limit us and others is one way to free ourselves.

Letting go of expectations of ourselves and others is another way.

Acceptance of what is – and allowing situations and people to be what they are is another.

Another way to say all of the above is FORGIVENESS.  Forgiveness of others – and perhaps even more importantly, self forgiveness.  When we can learn to be more compassionate with ourselves, we’ll be so with others.

Wayne Dyer often asks his audience what they get when they squeeze an orange.  Of course, they say orange juice.  And he responds with “yes, because that’s what’s inside”.  Then he asks what they get when they “squeeze” (or put pressure on) a person.  Again, it’s what’s inside.  If what’s inside us is anger or rigid expectations, that’s what will come out when we’re under pressure or have expectations that limit us to only one outcome.  But if we find compassion, love and forgiveness inside, that’s what will come out when we are put to the test.

So once we “sober up” as Otis did, and become more open to viewing our world from other perspectives, all we have to do is reach for that key, unlock the cell with loving, forgiving, compassionate thoughts, and walk out – into freedom.

Honoring Martin Luther King, Jr

My husband and I saw the movie Selma last weekend.  I was in tears very early into the movie.  I posted on my Facebook page that I want to believe that, had I been in the South during the time this movie’s events took place, that I would have marched with them.  I think if I were who I am today, that might be more true.  But the teenage girl I was at the time, growing up on a farm in central Kansas, who had only known one Black family until I was in high school, had no clue what racism was REALLY about.  (I was about middle school age when I realized that family was a different race than everyone else I knew).

Today I am posting the blog I wrote last year at this time.  Again, I want to thank my friend, Tracey, for sharing so much of herself and her heritage so those of us who came into a different perspective in this life, can begin to grasp what it must be to see the world through her eyes.


As a man who lived in love, Martin Luther King, Jr is someone I aspire to emulate. In his honor, I’m using one of my favorite quotes of his for my blog today.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate;       only love can do that.

This week, a friend of mine (Tracey Hughes) shared a blog that helps me comprehend the above quote more fully than I ever have.  She has granted me permission to use a piece of her blog here. From what I understand, she has been researching her ancestors for a long time (we only reconnected in the past few years through the miracle of Facebook).

The following passage comes after she found a will where her family members were being left to their master’s family.

. . . I wanted to try and transcribe the document, or at least scan the pages with my tablet, but I just couldn’t.  I was too drained, and I also felt that I had let my ancestors, particularly Grandma Saline, down again by letting my feelings get the better of me, especially the anger.  I looked up and pictured them in front of me, strong spirits with undefined faces, and I spoke to them.  I thanked them for being with me and trusting me to find them, and I apologized for all of the times when I stopped searching, afraid of what I might find or overwhelmed with what I did find.  I bowed my head and felt the strangest thing; a warmth, and a light amount of pressure, right in the middle of my forehead.  I felt as if I had been kissed on the head, and in that moment, I felt…forgiven.  Nevertheless, it was hard for me to hold on to those sensations, because I still felt angry, so I did what many people would do when they need to hash something out.  I called my Daddy.

. . .

After hearing me describe my emotions about finding Grandma Saline, Daddy said something that emphatically changed the game:

You have released her.

As quickly as he said it, my anger was gone.  Poof.  GONE.  And immediately in its place was one of the most beautiful sensations of joy, love, and thankfulness I have ever felt.  The anger was still there — and it might show itself at another point in this journey — but Dad’s statement rendered that anger completely powerless.  The love in that statement drove the anger away.  Grandma Saline has been waiting for her descendants to discover her and release her from the prison of forgotten memory.
. . .

There’s still so much work to do . . . but as far as this part of the journey is concerned, Saline Davidson is free.  Free at last.  And yes…I thought it was HIGHLY appropriate that this discovery was made on January 15th, Martin Luther King’s actual birthday.  You can’t tell me that the ancestors don’t talk to us.  We simply need to be open to their messages.

What an excellent example of honoring Martin Luther King’s life and message!!  And I believe it was no coincidence that this discovery came on the day it did.

Love heals all.  It doesn’t negate the horror or the pain that we had to navigate to get there.  That’s just the journey we all have to tread. It’s necessary to go through that, in order to get to the other side. As with Tracey’s, our trip will take it’s detours – but that’s just part of the design.  It gives us time to develop the emotional muscles to endure the reality, and when we are ready, the reality appears.  The timing is not ours; it is divine order.  But when we find the love and the ability to let go and experience the freedom, we can bask in the love that gave birth to each of us.

I hope you will take a few minutes this week to examine the path you’ve been on, and when you are ready, see if you can re-frame it with Love. Let go.  Forgive.  Set yourself free.

Patti Pete

Repair & Reattachment Therapy

Repair & Reattachment: What does it mean?

Many of you are aware that I have been trained in a cutting-edge grief therapy for the past several years. Originally called Guided Afterlife Connections, Repair and Reattachment Therapy can provide amazing relief to those grieving a loved one.

Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy includes two essential components to help clients with feelings associated with the loss of a loved one.

Therapy includes repairing any unfinished business with the relationship that didn’t have closure when the person passed and connecting and reattaching to the deceased person in a meaningful and healthy way that is healing.

This procedure is 95% successful.

The connections reduce or virtually eliminate the deep grief in which experiencers are immersed. They reorient the beliefs, images, feelings of guilt and anger, trauma, and perspectives on the loved one’s death so they are replaced by reassurance, joy, renewed feelings of love and connection, and peace.

The sadness at this separation through death is usually desensitized so the person doesn’t remember it in the same way — the sadness dissipates. People don’t forget their loved ones, but after the connection happens, they see them in a better light, and most of the time the sadness is greatly reduced.

This therapy is typically not used until the loved one has been gone for at least a year.  We’re never “over it”, but some still have extreme difficulty even years after their loved one has transitioned.  These are the people that can be helped with this therapy.  I’ve used it with clients who, after decades, have still never recovered from the abuse from their parent, or who still felt guilt because they thought they should have done more.  Here are a few quotes from clients who have given me permission to briefly share their experiences:

Grief therapy with Patti helped save my sol.  It took me past a place without hope and helped me find peace that I didn’t think existed anymore.  -TW

Amazing results! More than I could have hoped for.  The emotions associated with a chldhood traumatic event were changed completely. Now when I think of my mother I kno I am safe.  The healing was profound and has endured. I cannot recommend this process too much.   -TE

I connected with my stillborn baby, who told me she guided the emergency crew when her oldest brother was in a serious car wreck.    -DB

Feel free to contact me with questions if you believe this might be a therapy you want to explore.