Grief on Valentines Day

Valentines Day is a day to recognize your spouse, or any romantic involvement in the present.  But if you’ve lost a loved one who was an intimate partner, Valentines Day can be especially painful.  The past can represent a hole in your heart where your loved one used to be.

Honoring that person in a specific way that meant something to the two of you together is one way to get through the holiday.  Will it still be painful? Probably.  But the choice you have is where you focus.  If you put your energy on the good memories and allow yourself to revisit those feelings and stay with them as long as possible, it may help keep you in the love a little more than in the grief.  But if all you allow yourself to think about is that he’s no longer with you in physical form, then the grief can overwhelm you.

But your loved one is with you – just in a different form.  If you look for the signs she will show up.  Those on the other side want us to know they are around.  The signs are subtle.  Don’t try to force them.  They typically come when we least expect them. So keep your focus on the here and now as much as you can, but be open and attentive to possible signs.  Here are some of the ways they let us know they are here:

  • They come through as an animal or send an animal to us. Some of the more common animals are butterflies, birds, dragonflies or deer.  The animal does something it usually would not do, such as land on you, peck at your window or scream at you.  If a particular animal held some significance for you and your loved one, it’s very likely that is the animal that will show up for you.
  • They place common objects such as feathers, coins, or rocks in our path. Again, this is often something that was significant to them – or to you. 
  • They give off fragrances.  Often you can smell her perfume or favorite flower, his cigar or cigarette smoke, or any other familiar smell they had. Once I smelled a roast that was made specifically the way my mother used to make it.  I’ve never known anyone else to use that recipe.
  • They make songs come on at the perfect time.  On several occasions, when I’ve been wondering what to do to help a client – or which choice to make in my life, I have had a song pop into my head or come on the radio that holds a message confirming my choice.  
  • They come to us in dreams. One of the easiest ways for them to come through to us is in our dreams.  A dream that is a true visitation will be very peaceful and we will know it is our loved one. We will remember this type of dream in detail many years later. (On the other hand, a subconscious dream may be frightening or feel bad. This type of dream is not your loved one.)
  • They show us the same numbers over and over. They often give us numbers that are relevant to them or you, such as birthdates, anniversaries – or repeating numbers, such as 1111, 2222, 3333, etc. These numbers may appear on clocks, billboards, license plates or any other familiar place.
  • They allow us to feel peaceful for no reason. When our loved ones are in the room, they usually make us feel so loved and at peace. It usually happens at the most unsuspecting time, so there is no logical explanation for our sudden bliss.
  • They place thoughts in our head.  Our loved ones don’t have an audible voice, so they give us messages telepathically. Pay attention to thoughts that just “pop” into your head. We can tell the difference between our thoughts and theirs by backtracking our thoughts. If you can find the thought that triggered the thought of your loved one, it is probably your thought. If something your loved one would say just pops in your head for no reason, it is probably him or her speaking directly to you!
  • They love to play with electricity. They turn electricity on and off. They like to flicker lights, turn the television and radio on and off, make appliances beep for no apparent reason and mess with computers.
  • They make buzzing noises in our ears. Because our loved ones speak to us on a different, higher frequency, we may hear ringing in our ears when they are trying to get our attention.  This is a sign telling you to listen to what they are saying.

Again, the evidence is usually very subtle.  But especially on holidays that they know means a lot to you, it’s very possible you’ll get a sign or two.  Be open to it.