(I wrote this blog during a time of crisis in our family a couple of years ago. The situation we were dealing with at the time continues – not as acutely – but it is an ongoing opportunity for growth).
My family and I have been going through a really rough patch recently. The specifics are not important. What is important is what we do with it.
I have been receiving many messages of thoughts, support and prayers from friends all over the world. It’s overwhelming just managing the replies at times. But aside from the obvious feeling of love that is flowing in, it’s also therapeutic. As I answer their questions and explain my feelings, it helps me untangle all the intellectual violence going on in my head.
My spiritual study and practice has helped me understand that life is not something that is being done TO me. Rather, for each of us the situations and relationships we find ourselves in are most likely chosen by us and our loved ones before we incarnated. Maybe not the specific situations, but the general theme of our lives. We orchestrate these so that we can each learn and propel our souls to a higher place.
Knowing this helps me back up and look at all the minutia of my life from a different perspective – a more impersonal one.
Saying grief and pain are impersonal may be a little misleading. Each experience of loss or pain is unique, and in that way, VERY personal. Every person who goes through a painful situation must feel it and heal it in his/her own way – and no one else can really KNOW how (s)he feels because of the uniqueness of that person’s relationship with the other person/situation. However, the fact that everyone has or will go through similar experiences is what makes it an impersonal, universal experience.
Here’s my understanding – and once again, for some of you this falls in the “woo woo” category. While I certainly respect your beliefs, and am in no way trying to win you over to some other side, I hope you can be open to this as a possibility, because it can be a helpful way to look at our lives.
Case in point: For my soul, it was a calculated choice to allow my essence to come into the family and life I have now. And we agreed to this journey together in order to help each other work on specific lessons. We can’t know exactly how it’s going to show up or how it will turn out, because we do have free will as humans, and the choices we make at each juncture determine the direction in which we proceed.
From this perspective, what I know about my current situation is that I need to approach it from Love. As I face each choice, I need to ask myself, “what is the most loving way to handle this (for me and for my loved ones)?”
As I was writing this, I came across this excerpt from Carolyn Myss. She explains what I’m trying to say so much more eloquently than I can:
. . . A broken heart qualifies as a small thing precisely because it is such a core, universal experience, and even if you resist healing, part of you will begin of its own volition. That is the nature of life: to heal the body and spirit back to a state of balance. Understand that the healing mechanism itself is not personal. A broken leg will start to heal as soon as it is set, regardless of your feelings. The same is true of your emotional self. After a certain length of time, you have to work at staying depressed, sad, and mournful—unless you’ve been exceptionally traumatized. Everyone experiences heartbreak, and although our own individual heartache may feel devastating, it is not unusual. This is not meant to diminish individual grief, but rather to reposition that grief within an impersonal or archetypal vantage point.
I’m going to be very honest here. Right now I’m vacillating between trying to be loving and wanting someone to pay for their actions – to experience the pain I feel. All I know is that I want this to be over. But I have a sneaking suspicion that if I don’t go the route of Love, it will take longer. From the loving perspective, I can release the specific outcome I want and allow peace for all of us to begin the process of healing.
Regardless of what your life experience is right now, I send you Love and Light and I hope you, too, can find the loving perspective from which to live.