Grief on Valentines Day

Valentines Day is a day to recognize the love that connects you and your spouse, or any romantic involvement in the present. But if you’ve lost a loved one who was an intimate partner – or anyone who was very close to you, Valentines Day can be especially painful. The past can represent a hole in your heart where your loved one used to be.

Honoring that person in a specific way that meant something to the two of you together is one way to get through the holiday. Will it still be painful? Probably. But the choice you have is where you focus. If you put your energy on the good memories and allow yourself to revisit those feelings and stay with them as long as possible, it may help keep you in the love a little more than in the grief. But if all you allow yourself to think about is that he’s no longer with you in physical form, then the grief can overwhelm you.

But your loved one is with you – just in a different form. If you look for the signs she will show up. Those on the other side want us to know they are around. The signs are subtle. Don’t try to force them. They typically come when we least expect them. So keep your focus on the here and now as much as you can, but be open and attentive to possible signs. Here are some of the ways they let us know they are here:

-They send an animal to us. Some of the more common animals are butterflies, birds, dragonflies or deer. The animal does something it usually would not do, such as land on you, peck at your window or scream at you. If a particular animal held some significance for you and your loved one, it’s very likely that is the animal that will show up for you.

-They place common objects such as feathers, coins, or rocks in our path. Again, this is often something that was significant to them – or to you.

-They give off fragrances. Often you can smell her perfume or favorite flower, his cigar or cigarette smoke, or any other familiar smell they had. Once I smelled a roast that was made specifically the way my mother used to make it. I’ve never known anyone else to use that recipe. I was in my office where there was no kitchen and no one else around.

-They make songs come on at the perfect time. On several occasions, when I’ve been wondering what to do to help a client – or which choice to make in my life, I have had a song pop into my head or come on the radio that holds a message confirming my choice.  But often they play songs that meant something in your relationship.

-One of the easiest ways for them to come through to us is in our dreams. A dream that is a true visitation will be very peaceful and we will know it is our loved one. We will remember this type of dream in detail many years later. (On the other hand, a subconscious dream may be frightening or feel bad. This type of dream is not your loved one, and is more likely to be your own mind trying to make sense of your loss).

-They show us the same numbers over and over. They often give us numbers that are relevant to them or you, such as birth dates, anniversaries – or repeating numbers, such as 1111, 2222, 3333, etc. These numbers may appear on clocks, billboards, license plates or any other familiar place.

-They allow us to feel peaceful for no reason. When our loved ones are in the room, they usually make us feel so loved and at peace. It usually happens at the most unsuspecting time, so there is no logical explanation for our sudden bliss.  I have had an overwhelming sense of peace come over me  while driving in the car.

-They place thoughts in our head. Our loved ones don’t have an audible voice, so they give us messages telepathically. Pay attention to thoughts that just “pop” into your head. We can tell the difference between our thoughts and theirs by backtracking our thoughts. If you can find the thought that triggered the thought of your loved one, it is probably your thought. If something your loved one would say just pops in your head for no reason, it is probably him or her speaking directly to you!

-They love to play with electricity. They turn electricity on and off. They like to flicker lights, turn the television and radio on and off, make appliances beep for no apparent reason and mess with computers.

-They make buzzing noises in our ears. Because our loved ones speak to us on a different, higher frequency, we may hear ringing in our ears when they are trying to get our attention. This is a sign telling you to listen to what they are saying.

These are not the only signs our loved ones are with us, but some of the more common ones.  Again, the evidence is usually very subtle. But they love to be around us, especially on holidays that mean a lot to us and to them.

So do the best you can to focus on the holiday, or on whatever you need to do, and it’s very possible you will receive a sign.  Just be open to it.